Losing Baby Bro:Bernard Quisumbing on Grief Faith and Never give up
If you're watching this podcast champion and you are struggling and you are having suicidal or dark thoughts right now, stop watching this podcast. Call 911 and get professional help immediately.
Bernard Q:It's 988.
Real Andrews:Thank you. 988 and get professional help immediately. You can come back and watch this. We will be here waiting for you, and we'll be praying for you.
Speaker 3:54321. Welcome to the Getting Real with Real podcast, where we get raw Real. Real, and brutally transparent so you can be the best version of you. Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode. Now let's kick it off with your host, Freya Andrews, aka coach.
Real Andrews:Five four three two one. Boom. What is up champions? Welcome to Getting Real with Real, where we get brutally honest, raw, real, and transparent so that we can help you be the best version of yourself. I am very, very excited about today's guest, guys.
Real Andrews:We got Bernard. Bernard, help me out, bro. The last name, say it to me so I can get it right one more time.
Bernard Q:I'm a say it messed up half the time. So
Speaker 4:it's Quisumbing.
Real Andrews:Quisumbing. Now what's what's what now what is the the the heritage behind that?
Bernard Q:Filipino. Filipino. Okay.
Real Andrews:Quisumbing. Okay. So we have Bernard Quisumbing on. He has a powerful story that we're going to just jump right into. So, Bernard, you know, I just want to jump right in and I've written questions.
Real Andrews:I don't normally read quite right questions. I normally go, oh, we wanna pray for us as always. Thank you, holy spirit. Thank you, father, for this day, but this is not our day. This is your day.
Real Andrews:Have your will. Have your way. Let our thoughts be your thoughts. Our words be your words, and our actions be your actions. Holy spirit show up today.
Real Andrews:Let the words that need to be heard be heard and let the people that they're gonna show up and watch this podcast. Let them touch them and affect them how they need to be affected. So give us your eyes, your ears, and your heart so we can be a great representation of you. In Jesus' name, he said, amen. Alright.
Real Andrews:So what's the story behind don't quit legacy? Let's just jump right in there.
Bernard Q:Well, so don't quit legacy is probably the first thing that I'm stewarding instead of building that if I would have mapped out my life, I probably would have never wanted to ever have to go through to build. So on May 18, I lost my baby brother to suicide. Man, I'm sorry, dude. At 41 years old, probably the kindest kid in the world, the best of the best in our family by far, and loved by many. There was over 2,000 people that showed up to his memorial.
Real Andrews:Wow.
Speaker 4:It wasn't because he was some sort
Bernard Q:of successful person. It wasn't because he was rich or good looking, although he was he was all of those. Right? But nobody really cared about that part. The part that everybody cared about was the fact that my baby brother literally loved on others, made people feel seen, and made people feel valued.
Bernard Q:And as a server, that that's literally what he did. He was a bartender as well as a server, a Cheesecake Factory. So all his life, he's just always been serving at the highest capacity, and then he owned multiple businesses on the side.
Real Andrews:Wow. You know, and a couple things, Bernard. Once again, like I said, sorry for you. That's my mom's birthday, bro. May 18, is is my mom's birthday.
Real Andrews:She's not with us anymore. And you know what? First caught my attention was and we'll talk a little bit about that. You you were doing a thing. You called it cars cars and coffee.
Real Andrews:Now I used to sell cars for a quick quick minute in my life. I out here in California, I worked for a car dealership called Galpin Ford and
Bernard Q:I know it.
Real Andrews:They they have a thing. They have a thing on the first Saturday of the month. It's called coffee and car and it's massive out here. It's got so big that they have to. I will tell you because you kind of just glossed over it, but you didn't gloss over it, but I want to hit on that point because for whatever reason, you know, I'm also in ministry right now, and I've I've been part of a lot of funerals.
Real Andrews:2,000 people don't show up at a funeral just because, No. You know? And it reminds me of Bert Bert. Why am I blanking on his name? The owner of Galpin.
Real Andrews:Now I'll never forget. Here's here's a a blue collar worker started, as a car salesman many, many years ago. He passed away just before I started working there, and they had a it wasn't the service even. Was a honoring him, if you will. If you can imagine in the middle of the week, they blocked off three street blocks in the middle of the day on both sides of the street as, like, shoulder to shoulder as far deep as you could go.
Real Andrews:They had a police procession, a helicopter thing, all going over because this man made such an impact in the community. And when when you share that about your brother, I'm thinking it's the same thing.
Bernard Q:Very much so. Very much so.
Real Andrews:What what is the like, when you talk like, tell us, what is the one thing you want most people to that didn't get to meet your brother to know about your brother?
Bernard Q:Well, see and that's the thing because I'm I'm gonna share this with you, and this is probably gonna hurt a lot of people's feelings. But the truth is as much as the impact started with my brother, this isn't about my brother. Okay. This is about Christ. And the fact is David had everything that this world could offer except that.
Bernard Q:Wow. K. David had everything that this world could offer. He had women in droves. And none of them hate him, by the way, which which is another surprising anomaly.
Bernard Q:Right? Like, you can't date that many women and none of them hate you, but with him, not one. They all loved him. He all I mean, he did he didn't play the sneaky game. He didn't play the lying game, so he was always upfront, but he was just never somebody that anybody could tie down.
Bernard Q:The thing is that also prevented him from being able to have a family or a marriage. You know? But he was everybody's favorite bartender. He was the guy everybody wanted to be. He was the rock star.
Bernard Q:And, unfortunately, David didn't have Christ.
Real Andrews:Wow. So you're so what I'm hearing you say, and and that's why we're here, is he didn't know he he didn't give his life to Jesus before he he took his life?
Bernard Q:Well, so here's the beautiful part, and this is the part that god gave me a gift on. Okay. Because prior to this year, I haven't seen my brother in three years. He started a business called Speed Tin and got really, really, really deep into it and focusing on it. Now note, I haven't really spent that much time with my baby brother because I had to leave New Jersey twenty years ago, twenty years ago to get sober from over fourteen years of crystal meth and cocaine addiction.
Bernard Q:Christ freed me from that, miraculously, and I walk today still sober on October 6 will be twenty years. But here's the thing. Me and my brother, throughout the years, would intentionally go and see each other, whether I came here to visit or he came there to visit and spend a weekend with me, him and my other brother. And we would do excursions. We would do so many amazing fun things.
Bernard Q:And he is seeing my life transforming with God throughout all these years. Right? But the last three years, the last time we actually got to spend time together was when my whole family went out to Hawaii, and we spent a week there. And he was supposed to have multiple trips planned for each other to come see each other, but we just didn't get a chance to. He was too busy.
Bernard Q:And this last May, I took my dad on a nine day cruise because it was coming out of Bayonne, New Jersey. So my dad's 80 years old. He's not gonna travel somewhere to go on a cruise with me on top of that and then travel somewhere just to get all the way back. So it was really awesome that it was right here. So I took my dad on a nine day cruise, but instead of just going back home right after that, god prompted me to stay for an extra week.
Bernard Q:It was gonna be my birthday, and I haven't spent my birthday with my family in over twenty years. So I was like, cool. I'm a stay out there. However, everybody was pretty much busy on my birthday. They were gonna spend that weekend with me, but they were busy on my birthday, and my baby brother was not.
Bernard Q:And he was struggling, and he was going through depression. And so I was like, maybe I could spend four days with him. Well, it wasn't actually four days. Sorry. Maybe I could spend a couple days with him.
Bernard Q:So I reached out to him, and he said, of course. Of course. Definitely. Me and my whole family came out. We ended up spending four days with him, which included my birthday.
Bernard Q:On that fourth day, as he was struggling and there was so much pain going on, note throughout this whole thing
Real Andrews:Mhmm.
Bernard Q:In my heart, I truly believe that my brother is going to crush this as he has crushed everything else before. I literally believe that this was a coming to Christ moment for him. We've we've been having phone conversations in the last few months about it. He's been reading scriptures and watching sermons at this point. And we ended up doing a bible study that Thursday, four days before he passed away.
Bernard Q:And that was that was before I left for Colorado again. Anyway, wife was like, hey, why don't we invite him? And I was like, sure, let's invite him. I don't really know if he'll join us because he's never done that before, but I wasn't going to fight it. I was like, sure.
Bernard Q:Prompted. Let's go. And he joined us and it was amazing. I was so grateful that he got to do that. And then the crazy part is, four days later, as I'm back in Colorado, I get the phone call, and I went dark.
Bernard Q:When I tell you I went dark, I mean, I was so angry with God. I was so angry at everything. It was almost as though I was physically seeing red. I was so angry and screaming so much. And for a week, I had so many questions, so many doubts, so much.
Bernard Q:Like, God, I thought you met people when they were at their lowest. I thought you met them there. You gave Elijah rest. What in the world? Why would you take my brother?
Bernard Q:Why would you take my baby brother? He was the best of the best out of all of us. And in my head, I was like, there's you should have taken me. Like, by all means. Like, in comparison, are you kidding me?
Bernard Q:Like, I've in my fourteen years of addiction, I've introduced over 60 people to meth, and I've destroyed so many lives. Why would you take my baby brother? And it wasn't until the week that I actually left to come back to New Jersey for his memorial that God met me at the airport. And I'm still sitting there praying, I'm still asking God questions. And God answered me, not audibly, but I read the Bible on a consistent basis and God speaks to me in intuition.
Bernard Q:And if I'm not distracted or if I'm calling out to him and I'm focusing, I can hear. And God told me, I didn't forsake your brother. I didn't leave him when he was hurting the most. And God told me that he called him home. And there's been a lot of things that have confirmed that afterwards.
Bernard Q:I checked to make sure that it was biblically sound. All of these different things, and there is just a bunch of different messages that came through to confirm that. And it was not until that moment that God shifted the whole direction of what I'm to do next, what I'm going to do in my life next. And he told me that he called him home to be with my mom who also passed away in 2017. And he wants me to because there's so real quick.
Bernard Q:There's about so many people that have been drastically affected by my brother's death. It it it was such a seismic impact. And God was like, look. We're going to help provide hope and healing. And ultimately, you're going to point them to me.
Bernard Q:And I said, I have no clue what that means. I have no clue what that's gonna look like. I don't even know the capacity that I have, but got it.
Real Andrews:Well, you know, and what I love about that, Renard, is, you know, I'm sober. I'll be sober seven years Christmas. Right now, for me, Isaiah six:eight, I am here. Lord, send me. Nothing I do, anything I do is just to glorify the Lord.
Real Andrews:And our 50,000 foot view is to bring souls onto our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. That's the biggest thing we can put on our resume. So I love that and I get that. And, you know, when I when I think about one of the words so I know you're part of men's alliance now, or you just went recently or you went to that, which I also
Bernard Q:I just went recently, and, unfortunately, I'm traveling and did events for the next two weeks. I'm coming back next week. I'll be there. Yeah. And I'll be bringing them there too.
Real Andrews:Yeah. And you'll you'll find that when you, as you get into men's alliance, you haven't figured it out. Their 50,000 foot view is to bring to save souls for Christ. That's it really at the end of the day. You know, but how can we do that if we don't know the gospel?
Real Andrews:If we don't know the word, if we don't understand the word? But one of the words that the holy spirit showed me recently was urgency. And when I hear your brother's story and stuff like that, it's like, you know, it's amazing to me, Bernard, when. Now I'm talking to now there's difference between what I've now realized. Okay.
Real Andrews:There's believers And there's followers, you know, and as you know, you see the, the images of the, the, the people lined up as believers. There's a lot. And then there's followers and there's few, right? Because there's a big, there's believers want to be Christians, but they wanna do it the Burger King way. They wanna do it their way.
Real Andrews:Followers, we're gonna walk that line and do our best to be, you know, disciples of Christ, ambassadors of Christ the way we're supposed to. Now when when when when we look at that and we we talk about, you know, the urgency, it's amazing to me how many we're gonna say most of them are believers because followers are not gonna walk like that. But they say that like, they they believe and understand that the only way to heaven is through the father. Right? Through Jesus.
Real Andrews:Jesus. Right? I am the way, the light, and the truth. And the way the the the the truth, and the life, and the only way to my father is through me is but less than 2% of us go home to be with the Lord and savior, and they've never shared the gospel with one person. That that's that's insane to me.
Real Andrews:And that's one of the reasons why I've started this podcast because we wanna make sure, you know, I look at my mother-in-law, my father-in-law now, or, you know, on their final journey, whatever that looks like. Are they believers? I don't think so. That kind of just hit me the other day. I mean, they're both pretty sure they're not believers are followers of Christ because they're Catholic.
Real Andrews:Okay? So we it's been put on my heart. I need to have that conversation with them to make sure that, you know, they at least have that opportunity, you know. And I I love that when you say this isn't about my brother, this is about Christ, because that's really what it's about at the end of the day. And a lot of times, what I've seen in funerals, like, I remember one funeral that I was, serving.
Real Andrews:It was a young kid. He was like four or five years old. And same thing. Like there were so many people in that service. Well, now when you talk to the parents and the parents say like, why?
Real Andrews:Why would you take my kid? Mhmm. Such a young age. He never did anything wrong and everything. Sometimes when you think in that particular service, there were more hands raised ever in that one service.
Real Andrews:So maybe it doesn't sound comforting at the time to Not at all. That that that lost them, but to save 400 plus souls in a funeral service because of this one young little boy, You know, you could see the power in that possibly, That that might be the bigger. And when we hear when I hear about what's happening with your brother already, now you've got this foundation, this legacy, and that's all focused on Christ and and spreading the gospel. I could see that, you know, being an amazing, for lack of better words, payoff for the loss, if you will. Right?
Real Andrews:If, you know, it doesn't make it easier emotionally to our earthly souls. But, you know, when we get to heaven and there's gonna be tens of thousands, maybe millions of lives that were saved because of your brother's, suicide, that's powerful. You know?
Bernard Q:And not just that. So here's here's the thing that I I'm really wrestling with. Right? And and thank goodness god gave me a freedom point to it because, right, like, as a trade off in him in eternity for hell, probably still one of those things that I'd be like, god, why didn't you give him an opportunity? And god did.
Bernard Q:And he did step in. So, look, do I really know for a fact that he was saved in a full surrender? That's between him and God. I I that's beyond my pay grade. This is what I do know is that God met me as I was asking continuously asking and digging and digging and digging and has confirmed it in multiple ways, including his word that he called him home.
Bernard Q:So for me alright. Got it. Boom. Now God could just be using that to get me moving. And look, On the other side of eternity, I'm in full surrender anyway.
Bernard Q:So whatever God's doing to do what God does, it's all his anyway. It's all his.
Real Andrews:Agreed.
Bernard Q:My baby brother was his. I'm his. All of it is his anyway. So whether or not, you know, it gives me comfort that. Right, like other people are gonna be saved for this.
Bernard Q:Real, like check this out. On The Real, I literally at his memorial ended up speaking in front of everyone and told everyone there that I would have traded a thousand of you for him. Mhmm. That's how angry I was with it. And I didn't even mean to say that.
Bernard Q:Right. But it surely did come out. You wanna know what the craziest thing is? Do you wanna know what the reaction was? A lot of laughter.
Bernard Q:You wanna know why? Because they all agreed with me, and they too would have traded a thousand of them for that, for my brother. And that's the craziest part. But here's here's the beauty for me, and here's the part where I could turn pain into purpose and pain into beauty, and God is using all of it together is that God said, no. No.
Bernard Q:No. No. No. He was on assignment. I called him home.
Bernard Q:Mhmm. Don't worry about him. Worry about what I've got in front of you now. And it's not even worry. Right?
Bernard Q:Because God's got it all anyway. I just have to be, like you said, obedient, A follower. Not just a believer because I could believe all I want, but if I'm not actually listening to what God tells me to do and then actually doing it
Real Andrews:That's okay. No. I agree. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Right.
Real Andrews:Bernard, was there a specific day you almost gave up yourself?
Bernard Q:What do you mean? Like, suicidal wise? Yes. Very very many times, actually. Originally back in 2003 and then in 2021 after getting COVID.
Bernard Q:COVID didn't mess me up physically. COVID messed me up mentally really bad. And I went into a deep dark depression after, you know, already experiencing so many years of joy with Christ. God wanted to teach me empathy for people that were struggling mentally. I didn't have any.
Real Andrews:Yeah. And and, you know, that was gonna be my next question because what what do you like, if you if you're put in a situation now, Bernard, where you're talking to somebody who is having those thoughts. You know, you said you didn't have empathy before, but you do now. So what would you say to the person? And, you know, I apologize.
Real Andrews:I actually got a backstep for a second. Very important with the topic on this podcast. I will, edit it and put a beginner. If you're watching this podcast champion and you are struggling and you are having suicidal or dark thoughts right now, stop watching this podcast. Call 911 and get professional help immediately.
Real Andrews:Thank you. 988 and get professional help immediately. You can come back and watch this. We will be here waiting for you and we'll be praying for you. So what would you say to somebody right now?
Real Andrews:You, you, they reach out to you. They see this podcast. They they message you, Bernard. Like, I got a message the other day from my best friend from high school who struggles a lot right now. And, you know, he showed up in my feed.
Real Andrews:And I said, hey, bro. What's going on? How are you doing? And he flat out returned, messed up, and I am hurting. So I was like, okay.
Real Andrews:I need to call you because, you know, you've been in the program or I you know, I've been in pro one of the things I learned in the program, Renard, also, if you're watching this, when somebody calls your phone, no matter what time it is, if you're up, you need to answer it because if you don't answer it, the next thing you could get is that, hey. They're not there anymore, and you maybe get the message that they were trying to call you. So, what would you say to somebody?
Bernard Q:So okay. And and that's a great question. But let's just put it this way. Since getting sober, I have spent the last twenty years in personal growth and personal development, mindset coaching, physical development coaching, business coaching, all of it, building communities, etcetera, especially more so in the last three years, like really niching it in. And what I've realized is that even at the very best of the best where it comes to physical fitness, where it comes to crushing it at your business, whether it comes to your personal mindset and all the books that you read, if you reach the peak pinnacle point, the top of the mountain on any one of those things, if God is not involved, you are literally light years away from what you're trying to achieve.
Bernard Q:Seriously. Amen. The gap between the two is unbelievable. And here's the only reason why I know this is because I've reached mountaintops many times, and the top is empty without them.
Real Andrews:100%. That that's so good, bro. So good. Thing.
Bernard Q:Here's the craziest thing. When it comes to what I should say to somebody, I have no freaking clue. All I have is a prayer and an opportunity for if I get my ego out of the way, and no, I don't do this well all the time. My ego gets in the way a lot, but if I surrender my ego, oh, look how smart I am. Oh, look at my coaching modalities.
Bernard Q:Oh, look how skilled I am in this, this, and that. If I get out of the way and I allow God to speak through it, all of a sudden, I hear things from a caring standpoint and an empathetic standpoint where I could actually hear and feel what they're going through. And then God allows me to tap into things that real doesn't even make sense. There's connections that are being made that doesn't even make sense that, no, I'm not genius level enough to do it myself. Unless I get out of the way and truly allow the Holy Spirit to speak through me, If if it's me, it just sounds like repetitive mumbo jumbo that I've spoken or heard a million times before.
Bernard Q:Now lace that with the spirit, and it has pieces of those because God has trained me with those. And then it has this exponential shift that's just unreal. Like, I'm sitting there like I'm listening to this as a third person in the middle of a conversation being one of the people talking.
Real Andrews:Yeah. No. A 100%, Bernard. And one of the things I always say, you know, people will say to me, oh, man. That was such a good reel or that was such a good video or that was such a good podcast.
Real Andrews:And my response always to them is, listen, bro. I'm not that good. I'm not that smart, dude. One thing I am is obedient. I'm just obedient, dude.
Real Andrews:I just show up, and I always let the holy spirit speak through to me. So I love that, and I I love your answer because a lot of us, we get caught up with you use the word earlier assignment. Okay? A lot of us get up caught up with thinking their assignment is to save somebody, to convert somebody to a Christian, to but it's not. It's not.
Real Andrews:And as you just so eloquently said, our assignment is to put the pebble in the shoe to plant the seed, to be able to pray, to allow them because the holy spirit, like, if you like, if you like people like, so and so called me and I saved his life. No, you didn't save his life. The holy spirit saves his life. You just but I love how you say get out of the way. Let the ego get out of the way.
Real Andrews:That's so good. And I hope people caught that. Right? And you know what? Listen.
Real Andrews:One of the things you said you said earlier, and that's that's what we do on this podcast. You said, well, I might offend somebody or or whatever. Good. You're if you offend somebody, you're doing the right thing because one of the things I always say is I don't wanna go to a Kumbaya church. I don't wanna watch a Kumbaya podcast.
Real Andrews:I'd like the people that I invite on my podcast, you being one of them, is because the holy spirit has brought me to their page, and I've got on their page, and I personally probably got convicted. And if I'm gonna get convicted, that's what I like. I like to come out of stuff like I did 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and got the snot beat out of me. Right? I don't wanna come out of a church.
Real Andrews:Oh, such a great show. No. Like, man, was he talking to me? Yeah. He was talking to me to the holy spirit.
Real Andrews:So listen, when you're, so you're the opposite, you're a coach, you're a influencer or mentor and motivational, all of those great things, you know, the glory to God. So, but when everybody call comes to you for strength, right? Who do you call? I kind of know the answer, but I want to say, who do you call when you are? No, let me phrase it to you this way, because I kind of like, I like what you just said.
Real Andrews:So who did you used to call when you were falling apart and who do you call now?
Bernard Q:So that's the funniest thing when it when it comes to who did I used to call? This is where my ego has gotten the best of me a lot because I swore I didn't need anyone else. Yes. For so long, I was running on my own strength. Let me rephrase.
Bernard Q:I was running on fumes.
Real Andrews:Mhmm.
Bernard Q:And for so long, I didn't wanna raise my hand and ask for help. I'm really good at asking for help now. And there's a lot of people that God sends my way to help me. And then there's a lot of people that God sends my way for me to help. And all I have to do is be present and allow the Holy Spirit to lead and then point them back to Christ.
Bernard Q:Now, again, all the skills that he's blessed me with, all the skills that I've studied, learned, do they get used? Sure. But like I already told you, the top pinnacle of all those at that at its highest level is leap years short. Mhmm.
Real Andrews:If it doesn't
Bernard Q:in Christ.
Real Andrews:You know, Bernard, you know, because I can't have people come on here and let's be real transparent and brutally honest. You know, I'm literally right now, Bernard, as we are filming this. You know, I was on top of the world. Everything was great. And literally three or four days ago, here comes, and you've done dealt with depression.
Real Andrews:So you know what I'm talking about. Trigger alert. If you're watching this video, you know what I'm talking about. We're talking like, bro. Like, I'm I'm like, are you serious right now?
Real Andrews:Are you serious right now? Like, And I'm like going to my wife. Like, I I'm having that feeling. I'm like, it's it's happening. I'm like, I'm like, serious, bro.
Real Andrews:I don't wanna go through this again, dude. It's like because as we get older, you know, I'm 63. One of the things we I know here's one thing that I know. Both of us know. Right?
Real Andrews:I I could speak for you because you're here. Both of us know that we can win the battle because we're living proof of it. Right? Here here's what I also know. As you get older, bro, it gets harder, dude, and it gets deeper, and it gets worse, and, you know, it gets darker.
Real Andrews:And I'm like, I don't wanna go through this again, honestly, you know, and I'm literally, it's at that point where, like, a week from now, it probably like would be like rescheduling this podcast because that's, that feeling's happening. I don't like it, but here's what's different this time because my walk with god at the level it is right now is new. I've been a I've been a believer for a long time. I'm a follower now. Okay?
Real Andrews:I'm on the road to ministry. So the difference is when I wake up in the morning, I'm literally like, okay, god. I'm here, bro. You told me. Bring it to you.
Real Andrews:I'm bringing it to you. I don't want to go through this again. I'm what I'm really seeing right now is you're right. When we really put God in the mix of it, we really put God first, like, for real. Like, I'm not taking no medication.
Real Andrews:I'm not doing falling off track. I'm not doing any of those stuff that we do. What I'm doing right now is just taking it to God. I'm just taking it to God and it works. You know?
Real Andrews:It works. It doesn't now. So when with that said, Grenard, I wanna ask you the question. So, you know, has faith ever felt distant or silent to you in the middle of grief where even while you're pointing others to Christ? Because I know people are watching, especially if you're in that dark spot that we can get or in that grief spot.
Real Andrews:Maybe they just lost somebody. You know? I know when I'm watching stuff like this, I'm like sometimes I'm not even able to hear it. I don't like yeah. Easy for you to say brothers or whatever.
Real Andrews:So what what what what like, there's people that are watching this right now that are having a hard time hearing and believing what we're saying. So when faith has faith ever felt distant or silent to you, like, even though you point people towards Christ or you still pointing people to Christ when you're having those challenges yourself?
Bernard Q:Well, let's just put it this way. So you you you mentioned that May 18 was also your mom's birthday. Mhmm. My baby boy. That's his birthday.
Bernard Q:Wow. He's five years old. So that date will forever have a dichotomy for me that absolutely hurts. One, I'm celebrating my baby boy and his birthday. And on the second note, I picture my baby brother going to the point of extreme pain and depression
Speaker 4:where he's literally hanging himself in his garage. Those two things trying to exist in the same space
Bernard Q:messes me up a lot. And here's the thing. After we got the toxicology report, there was no drugs in the system, none of that. It was just full blown mental illness and depression. It got the very best of them.
Bernard Q:But one of the worst things on
Speaker 4:was that there wasn't a breaking of the neck. There wasn't a heart abrasion. That means it wasn't instant, bro. So my baby brother hung there suffering. The kindest baby brother you could possibly imagine hung there suffering.
Speaker 4:So, yeah, you wanna talk about feeling like God was distant? Oh, man. Real, I was so, so mad. So mad. And there's still times where that grief hits me.
Speaker 4:Like, there's moments that I don't even feel right having fun, smiling. It doesn't it doesn't make sense in the midst of all of it. No, it's real. The grief hits in a way that it's it's got a powerful impact. And here's here's the caveat.
Bernard Q:Outside of Christ, I wouldn't be building or stewarding a don't quit legacy foundation. I would be hurting a lot of people. Like, absolutely hurting a lot of people, starting with myself and the family around me that it would impact. That's my wife and my two beautiful kids. And then anyone that even remotely pissed me off
Speaker 4:or got under my skin or said anything about my brother and his salvation or any any questionable anything, I would absolutely be hurting people. Instead, I lay all of this at his feet, and I beg him. I truly beg him that he does have him. Wow. And that everything that we're doing in memory of him and pointing others because, like, look, real talk in my head.
Speaker 4:Sure. I get the whole, you know, one man dying for the cause for so many. We have soldiers that do that. We have firefighters that do that. We have policemen that do that.
Speaker 4:We have regular civilians that do that, and we have the ultimate example of Christ who did that for all of us. Right? Here's the thing. Christ went into the depths of hell for three days,
Bernard Q:and death could not hold him. If this sacrifice was a sacrifice for the many that is following because so many have already come to church, so many have already shifted their gaze that have been impacted by my baby brother's death. So I know the direction that God is using this for. But, man, like, God already told me, he called him, so I'm not questioning it. But could you imagine how many times the devil tries to sneak into my head going, maybe your baby brother's gonna suffer eternity.
Bernard Q:Mhmm. Maybe he's not gonna be there.
Real Andrews:You know, Bernard, I was like, this just goes right into this question. This is deep, bro. So if you're not comfortable, it's fine.
Bernard Q:But Oh, I'm I'm I'm open to any question.
Real Andrews:What's the thought you had in a dark moment that you've never said out publicly? Said out loud publicly?
Bernard Q:There isn't one. There isn't one. God has taught me to open my mouth and speak boldly. Okay. There used to be many.
Bernard Q:There was tiny ones that I used to hide. I I used to posture like nobody's business. I used to pretend I was better than I was. I used to posture that everything was better than it was. I used to, actually, I postured for things I didn't even need to posture for.
Bernard Q:But no, God has broken that. That is a fully surrendered at his feet, and he has stomped that for me. So no, there isn't anything right now that I would say that I'm holding in unless I'm not aware of it. If I'm not yet currently aware of it, my wife is usually the best one to help me realize I'm not
Real Andrews:And that that was gonna be that was gonna be my next question. So how is the the dichotomy with you and your queen right now with all of this? It's out do you guys have good communications, or have you because a lot of men well, first of without even this, without even an incident like this in our life, we naturally are in isolation. We naturally don't communicate with our wife. We don't communicate with our kids.
Real Andrews:We don't communicate with anybody. So something like this would really pull us away. So how is that how is that dichotomy between you and your wife since your brother's passing?
Bernard Q:So let's put it this way. I've been married to my wife thirteen years. It'll be 14 on January 13 coming up. So thirteen years. Three years ago, she was suicidal.
Bernard Q:And I was at a place in my life where I was so numb, so jaded that I truly didn't care or didn't know that I cared. Right? It got to the point where the separation of our marriage, we never talked the d word. We never even brought it up because when we made that promise to Christ in front of god in in in in in our marriage, we agreed that that would never be something that we would ever talk about. But three years ago, it was to the point where she was suicidal and I really didn't even know if I cared.
Bernard Q:And we ended up hiring coaches and we ended up hiring counseling. That really helped us rebuild our relationship. And God was using all of it for us to learn so that we could share this with others, was also helping us to reconnect. And, man, to go from that three years ago where we barely spent any time together to now, we spend at least ninety minutes, and sometimes it just doesn't stop, in the morning just talking and then reading the Bible together every single day. It's a nonnegotiable.
Bernard Q:So it's not something that put it this way. There's no work that will come before it. There's no workout that will come before it. Nothing. The only thing that comes in between it is our kids jumping on top of us.
Bernard Q:And it is absolutely amazing because my kids, five and eight years old, listen as we study the Bible.
Real Andrews:Wow. And they they will become your, you know, I love my pastor was just talking about this, Bernard. We have a we have a men's, what are they calling it? Men's mentoring the past two weeks. We got one more weekend of it.
Real Andrews:And he was talking about that. I do a I'm actually it's part of my sermon. I'm in my ministry school. I got the sermon lab on the September 5. That's what my sermon is.
Real Andrews:So I'm not going to go into it right now, but I do a visual with a whiteboard and but without giving it away. But what you just said right now is so powerful, so encouraging. Ninety minutes a day with your queen is massive. And most men watching this aren't we're not even doing a minute with our queen a day. And but we would say if you were to ask us, put in the order priority, god, my queen, and my kids, but, you know, your calendar will show you otherwise.
Real Andrews:Let's just leave it at that. But and and I love what you said. And I do the same thing. Listen. If you if you don't my whole thing, people say, like, why do you get up at 12:30 in the morning?
Real Andrews:I usually get around two in the morning. Sometimes God wakes me up at 12:30. I'm like, okay, God, what do you want to talk about? But people say like, that's crazy dude. Like, do you do no, it's not crazy because the reality is in my pastor just talked about this.
Real Andrews:The reality is this started as a minute for me. I remember I was at some webinars, some seminar, you know, that we do is to be better people and coaches and guys, whatever. And this guy's whole thing was you need to spend two hours every morning with yourself before you go to social media, before you go to anything else. I'm like, I'm like two hours, bro. Do you understand how busy I am?
Real Andrews:I don't. This is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm thinking in my mind. Right? Now thank God he said this at the end.
Real Andrews:He said, you know what? Just start with a minute. Just start with a minute tomorrow. I was like, oh, I can do that.
Speaker 4:I can do a minute.
Real Andrews:I I can do a minute. Well, that minute is is is evolved into several hours because just what you said, the reality of the situation is if we don't put god first in the morning and stuff like that, it's not gonna happen because once it's different for everybody. I'm just gonna use the number 07:00 because that's the reality in the Andrew's house. Once 07:00 comes around, my life is over. I do a live with my queen.
Real Andrews:I got clients. I've got animals. I've got, you know, gym, you know, so I wanna make sure I get all that important stuff first. That's why I get up at two in the morning because nobody's gonna interrupt me at two in the morning. Nobody's gonna interrupt me at three in the morning.
Real Andrews:Nobody's gonna interrupt me at four in the morning. Five maybe. But, you know, you know what I'm saying? So so I I totally get that. So, Bernard, you said okay.
Real Andrews:So you said, you talk about now I'm quoting you. So how would they feel watching you destroy your life? Who is they for you personally?
Bernard Q:The people that you've lost on on that on that post that I just did. And and it's a calling for the people because I've seen a lot of people that are utilizing my brother's death as a reason for them to binge drink, as a reason for them to wallow in a deep depression. And I get it. Right? Like it is a part of your grieving, fine.
Bernard Q:And if that's really your only mode operandis for grieving, then I'm going to need to be a catalyst of raising some awareness. Now I'm not here to punch anybody in the throat with it. Not anymore. That's all I used to do until God taught me empathy. Right.
Bernard Q:Right? Like, that's literally it was like, strap your boots up. Let's go. Let's do something. Let's ugh.
Bernard Q:All all of that. Right? That was my only mode of apparandas. But now it's very different. Now it's helping others get a different sense of awareness, get a different sense of understanding.
Bernard Q:And look, I'm not gonna be able to shove Jesus down everybody's throat. Right? For some here's the here's the funniest thing. When it comes to Christians that claim they're Christians and they're not obeying, they're just pretending to believe, there's a very different way in the way that I approach them. Right?
Bernard Q:It's it's it's a much more meet them face to face, iron sharpening, iron in two sorts clash. They don't go, ting, ting, ting. They clash. But when it comes to me meeting somebody who is hurting, struggling, drowning in alcohol, drowning in their pain, I'm not gonna come like a sword and expect to sharpen another piece of iron. There barely would at that moment.
Bernard Q:And if I strike, it's just going to destroy them. So at that place, I meet them. And then I give them a different raise of awareness. I give them a concept of hope. I give them an understanding of what God has done in my life and talk about how dark it used to be for me and how bright Jesus' light is in comparison.
Bernard Q:But I don't force it down anybody's throat. I can't. That's the holy spirit's job to finish. Right. And it's funny because even in the one where it's iron sharpens iron, and I feel like I'm like, clash clash clash somebody and really beating it down, the holy spirit's like, hey.
Bernard Q:Slow down. You're still trying to do my job, buddy.
Real Andrews:Well and it that's that's first Peter three fifteen, isn't it? Right? With love and respect. We need to talk to that that that that you know? And that's so good.
Real Andrews:And, you know, who like, I'll I'll I'll just I'm getting goosebumps listening because, like, who else did that? Right? Bernard? Who else? Like, who else would come down and speak on the terms and levels of who he was speaking to at the time?
Real Andrews:If he was talking to fishermen, he would use fishermen technology. If he was talking to carpenters, he would use carpenters. If he was talking to slay, you know, who else did that? Right? Somebody else I know who's pretty good speaker, pretty good person, but that's you're right.
Real Andrews:We can't, you know, and as a coach, you know, on a whole another level, like, I don't know if you've done this, Bernard, along your way, like either disc training or colors training or, you know, cause we, we, we sound a lot of like, you're definitely a D personality of red and you're from Jersey. So that 10 x is it. You know? I mean, that's that's who I am. You know?
Real Andrews:And I used to, like, in my coaching business, me and my wife have been blessed. Glory to god. We built four gyms, but for the majority of my career as a coach, I coached everybody like a d. Suck it up. Get up.
Real Andrews:Come on. What's wrong with you? Are you care are you serious right now, bro? Like, are you serious?
Bernard Q:Right? This is why I love good content as soon as I I was like, oh, heck. Yeah. I'm doing I'm a
Speaker 4:do a podcast with you all day long. Let's go. You know? It's like, he is literally my thread.
Real Andrews:Right? And, you know, I built one day, me and my wife were sitting in this, leadership. We we earned this this this conference in Utah or something, you know, the top people in the company and and blah blah blah. And they did this training on DISC, d I s c, the different personalities. Bro, I'm sitting in the back of the room, and I didn't know it at the time because I wasn't a follower.
Real Andrews:I wasn't barely a believer at that time. But what was happening was I was getting convicted, and I literally, like, went, wow. Dude, are you serious? I've literally offended three quarter of the people that have been in my life at this point.
Speaker 4:Yep. Because
Real Andrews:I was like You
Speaker 4:got it. That wasn't a d.
Real Andrews:Yeah. Yeah. Like, I'm like, all these c's, like, I just scared them away. The eyes, they did I ask. And I and I realized that I and even in my like, like, if you're watching this guys, if you haven't done disc training, disc.org, it's free.
Real Andrews:They'll try to sell you a bunch of stuff, but just take the free thing. It'll take you ten minutes or colors is the same thing. I promise you as a coach, a business person, a father, a husband, your life will change. Cause you're going to realize what color you are. And you're going to realize that colors are different and you're going to treat people like, you know what I mean?
Real Andrews:Bernard, it was like, here I am teaching a bootcamp in my gym. Once I realized that and the D's I'm in their face, the Cs I'm like,
Bernard Q:oh, the dees are loving it.
Real Andrews:The dees are loving it, but then I'm, I learned that to the Cs, I would walk over to them and quietly whisper to them. Right? Because they want to be talked to them. So that, that, that is huge. Now with that said, I'm going to go right into our next question.
Real Andrews:So what does a real conversation that saves somebody's life actually sound like in your experience? Like, what what are your words? And and when before you answer this, Bro:Bernard, because I know that's a loaded question. I know that's a loaded question, and it's gonna be different for everybody. So let's do this, actually.
Real Andrews:Thank you, holy spirit. Let's just take a minute before you answer that question and just ask the holy spirit or somebody. Somebody right now is watching this podcast, and they need to hear those words.
Bernard Q:Yeah. Here's the craziest thing. God has sent me so many different people that have now redirected their life to Christ. Somewhere in their introductory phase. I remember those for me.
Bernard Q:It was like trying to figure out what the heck was going on or what the heck I was trying to do. But it isn't about the outcome of what I'm doing for them. It's about whether or not I can get out of the way. I can't tell you how many times and even you bringing up the disc, where if I made it about me, then I'm going to tell you in my way. And if you don't listen, then that's on you.
Bernard Q:Or how many times I would be like, you know what? This might not be the right timing for that conversation. And even though the holy spirit is nudging me to have the conversation, I've shied away. The difference is now is literally a full surrender and a full dying to myself. I just need to really get out of the way.
Bernard Q:I am literally just a vessel and an instrument, and I know we've heard so many people use that. It's almost gotten it's almost gotten lingo ish, and it's gross when it's lingo ish. Anything is, actually. But when you really step into that conversation and are fully present and allow God to really take over, there isn't a one answer. There isn't a two or three answer.
Bernard Q:There is whatever God chooses to speak to you at that point.
Real Andrews:So good. Yeah. That's so good, Bernard.
Bernard Q:Because, bro, I'm I'm a tell you right now. There's been times where the things that have come out of my mouth, I'm I'm literally like, oh, yeah. That sounds dumb. That absolutely sounds illogical and dumb and all of the above and outside of god putting that together. And then they're like, oh my gosh.
Bernard Q:How did you even know? And I'm like, I didn't. I promise you I didn't. And it connected the dot to something that they were dealing with in another conversation two weeks ago that they were totally just thinking about today and how in a possible world could I have known that? I didn't.
Bernard Q:Forgot it.
Real Andrews:Amen. You know, so good, Bernard. That's like, dude, I I there's nothing really. Thank you, holy spirit. What would you say, Bernard, to somebody?
Real Andrews:Once again, this is somebody watching this. Somebody will be watching this and be having these exact same thoughts. We've had them. What would you say to somebody who is absolutely 100000000% convinced that nobody will miss them if they're gone.
Bernard Q:That's really hard, actually. Because I did a video on that a couple weeks ago, and it dealt with my brother. And with my brother, it was like, hey. Read another scripture. Watch another sermon.
Bernard Q:Read more books. Get back to the gym. All these things that I was trying to say to him. And if I had the opportunity again, honestly, I think the only thing I would say to him would be, I really love you. If I knew that those were the last words I was gonna be able to say anyway, why would I say all the other things?
Real Andrews:Wow. Wow. Dude, powerful, dude. Powerful. Couple more things, Bernard.
Real Andrews:I just put that pretty but this has been amazing. Where has doing the word when we think of James one twenty two, don't just be Viewers. Yeah. Do it. Yeah.
Real Andrews:Doers, you know, be take action, you know, faith without eye. Where has doing the word, not just hearing it cost you something real personally?
Bernard Q:Oh, this is a great way to actually end this whole segment. Let's just put it this way. So Christ decided to call me back into Jersey. Meanwhile, I have a very beautiful home, 5,000 square feet in Colorado. Gorgeous.
Bernard Q:Huge bedroom, nice cars, everything. And now I'm living in my baby brother's basement, unfinished basement, no clue what I'm going to do for a living. I used to sell cars too, by the way. I was a top one percenter. I was Phil Long Ford's number one salesman.
Bernard Q:I also was their coach when I stopped selling. And I left all of that to do what God's calling me to do. And in the midst of all of that, God has told me that I'm no longer allowed to charge anyone for coaching. And as I'm reading Matthew six, where he talks about not having to worry about any of that, that's what the pagans do, it still has this sense of, well, god, then you better actually, you know what? There is no you better.
Bernard Q:You have given me everything. You have given me my family at a closeness that I've never experienced before, and I'd never trade money for that again. And right now, would I do what God's calling me to do completely broke even though I've been so used to the bougie, very, very, very comfortable life? Absolutely. Absolutely.
Bernard Q:All I ask God, and I and I say this repeatedly, God, just keep my wife and my kids safe, please, even though I know those are also yours. But that's all I'm asking. You could you could strip me of everything, and I can be completely broke, and I will still do this. And this is this is for the first time in my life, Real. Like, this isn't this isn't if you would've asked me this six months ago, then we wouldn't be having the same conversation.
Bernard Q:If you would've asked me this a year ago, I would've laughed you off this phone. If you would have asked me three years ago, I thought I would have thought you were psychotic. But this is the transformation in full surrender that God has been working on me for the last twenty years in the making. And ever since he freed me from my years of addiction. So with that being said, this has literally cost me everything.
Bernard Q:But here's what I noticed. If I have everything that I ever wanted, no matter what it is, because whatever you chase, right? Whatever you go after will eventually enslave you. It doesn't matter what it is.
Real Andrews:Home, anything,
Bernard Q:it doesn't matter. Even your physical fitness, the significance that you get from it, the ego, the health, the way that you look in the mirror, every aspect of it, all the supplements, peptides, everything now, all of that will consume you. Anything, no matter what it is, the building the business, the financial strategies, the making so much money, every aspect will enslave you. It'll be a tether in some way, shape or form. Jesus is the only one that frees you.
Bernard Q:The only one. So here's the funniest part. I could literally have everything I want. And he talks about this, you know, and lose your soul. You could have everything in this world and it doesn't matter because there will still always be an emptiness that needs to be filled because only God could fill it.
Bernard Q:And here's the funniest thing on the flip side. I can literally have God and lose everything, and I'd still have peace. Amen. And this is what I'm recognizing now in real time. Real time to the point where if he takes all of it, it's all his anyway.
Real Andrews:Amen. Amen. So good. Couple things, buddy. Two two two last comments and questions, but a couple comments.
Real Andrews:Bro, you know what's crazy, Bernard? Do you know what my you know what my sermon is? I because I love confirmations. You know what my sermon is on? What?
Real Andrews:Matthew six thirty three. Oh, bless you. That that's that's the scripture that I'm building my sermon that I built my sermon on. Also, I just read just was it yes was it was it just to give you thank you, holy spirit. I I believe it was Matthew.
Real Andrews:It's either today we're on Matthew 19. So it was either Matthew sixteen, seventeen, 18, but also specifically Luke, but it is in Matthew as well. When he talks about, remember the young man who had everything. And he said, what what do I need to do to any kingdom? And he said, give away everything you have to the poor.
Real Andrews:And he was like, oh, wow. Wait a second. No. And like, couldn't do it. Right.
Real Andrews:Remember he couldn't tell. I just wanted to show. So God bless you. And, and that, so last two questions, I promise. And we're out of here.
Real Andrews:Second and last question, what do you want your legacy to say about you that has nothing to do with followers or your platform?
Bernard Q:I don't want it to say anything about me. I wanted to say that literally so what we provide is help, healing, and hope. But here's the thing about that hope, it's an everlasting hope and there's only one that can actually provide it. Everything that we're going to provide in resources, again, just as I spoke about the personal growth, the businesses, everything. It has value.
Bernard Q:It has value to help people along the way. It has value to help people from where they currently are to a next step, to help them out of the rut that they're in or raise their awareness or improve. But the truth is the everlasting hope that we are going to point them to is Christ. So I don't care what it says about me. Amen.
Real Andrews:Love that. Last question. This is the close. Well, let's do this before we go to the close because I do want you give you I know you you you you'll talk about it at another time, but I do wanna it to be in this podcast. Tell us, Bernard, give us the, for lack of better words, thirty, sixty second commercial about your don't quit legacy.
Bernard Q:So thirty seconds. It's something that God's building. He's asking me to steward it. And we are going to provide resources to help with mental illness. We are going to raise awareness.
Bernard Q:We are going to create groups and community events. And then we are going to provide financial resources to organizations that are already doing the work in helping people. And then ultimately, we are going to give them everlasting hope by pointing them to Christ. Period.
Real Andrews:Beautiful. Love it. Love it. Alright. And you guys can see right there.
Real Andrews:You can support Bernard's foundation at don't quit legacy. Last question. Let me pull you up here on Instagram. So here it is. If someone remembers only one sentence from this podcast, what do you want it to be?
Bernard Q:God loves you, period.
Real Andrews:That's it. We don't have to say anything more. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Real Andrews:What a great podcast to come back with. Thank you, holy spirit. Thank you, god. All the glory to god. This is so powerful, guys.
Real Andrews:Thank you for watching. If you've been watching, guys, please like, comment, share this podcast, guys. Make sure you are following Bernard on Instagram at Bernard Quisumbing. It's right there on the screen. In case I said that wrong.
Real Andrews:And if you wanna support his legacy, he has a link there as well. So with that said, guys, you're important. You matter. You can do anything, guys. We love you, but God loves you the most.
Real Andrews:Have an amazing day. Take care. God bless. Boom.
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